In window between lockdowns, I go to a buddy’s birthday. A lot of touch-starved gays sit collectively for a passing fancy settee.

We joke about what method of Cottagecore, polyamorous transqueer commune we might desire to go on, the moment the wealthy happened to be lifeless and climate apocalypse averted somehow.

“most likely,” some body claims, “we’ll simply turn into

Mad Maximum

figures. Free, in a gross, Anarcho-Capitalist way.” We-all laugh.

“you can’ve changed shit” – the expectation will there be, coiled in the space – “but the globe finished,” my buddy’s lover claims.

They wake up to bring the meal. “we would merely roam the wasteland, burning away utopian electricity, taking some people’s teeth for barter,” they do say through the cooking area.

The dessert seems. My good friend and I exchange tales about our very own

Animal Crossing: New Horizon Islands

and

Stardew Valley

save yourself documents.


I

know a number of transqueer buddies exactly who perform both games for launch, specially during lockdown. A poet pal in

Stardew Valley

attracts their unique lovers into the electronic farmstead they invested the most important lockdown controlling. Things are morally acquired.

I join their unique game which help them select horseradish.

“this is exactly what a transqueer utopia could appear like, after the end of the globe,” they message me personally over Discord.

Whenever I think of the future, a transqueer the one that seems so tantalisingly near, it really is like I am able to feel the person i’m going to be, reaching backwards and egging myself on to make certain they are real.

Every little thing – digital wheat-fields, cows, berry shrubs, fruit trees – could possibly be free, of their own volition. There are not any marketplaces big enough to demand pesticides, manufacturing plant agriculture or exploited labor. The area hasn’t ever already been violently colonised; it would possibly belong to it self as time goes on. Indigeneity just isn’t a fact within these video games. Your relationship aided by the land you occupy is actually unproblematic, the game states.

In my opinion of my secret need to be a Cottagecore lesbian/trad spouse on a farm with my buddies, increasing birds and looking after the other person’s young children. That it generally does not exist, and do not will, is actually beside the point.

I believe in the same way about

Pet Crossing

‘s island. It cann’t end up being a stretching to phone utopia a body, positioned in area.

Except here, the online game informs me, it’s just my body system, separated, unable to carry out injury to any person. I’m the custodian of a fluid outcropping of land offered in my opinion by a Racoon guy. I will terraform it without effects, except individual regrets. There is no gender, except a spectrum of fashion selections.


L

ockdown pulls right after which begins once again. I had been intending to start HRT in the window between lockdowns; You will find a list of circumstances i do want to do, accumulating in real time as my personal tresses develops straight back too rapidly and my body weighs in at on myself. But it’s fine because i am aware i’ll do something positive about it. A window, or gap during the home, is I need.

You will find a visceral sense of coping with an effective character on my straight back, whispering inside my ear. Whenever lockdown starts once more, the heart will leave, and I also sink like a boat with a hole.

I ask my birthday celebration pal up to my personal island, through the next lockdown, where we can imitate tea and dress up per different. The sole residents tend to be bipedal pets. They’re only moving through, unless I invite these to remain. It becomes belated and I also log off, welcoming my pal around next week.

I wake-up the very next day, still in lockdown, check twitter, feel circumstances, and look the area: many people are delighted, the scarcity and game play loop a suggestion above all else. Everybody is calm in a manner that you’ll just be whenever your needs tend to be perfectly satisfied and you are at leisure to-be who you are, finally.


W

hy really does all of this issue? Understanding generating me seek a transqueer utopia on these video games?

My good friend’s turn is put next to the screen, the city skyline coming. They took photos associated with CBD while they visited operate during lockdown. The roads are ghostly and unoccupied. Just how long would it not take to reclaim these places, change the Myers into share-houses, with no-one preserving them?

We imagine my friends in overturned garments shelves, since happy as their virtual selves, visiting the spaces I outlined on their behalf.

Utopia needs are realised, to-be made genuine. My own body, just what my body should be, needs become generated genuine, but can not be right now. Utopia demands a narrative: a coming out story, a transition schedule, a location, a horizon.

My buddy quotes Jose Esteban Munoz’s

Cruising Utopia

in my experience: Queerness provides a spatial measurement “insofar because it’s based in displacement… Queerness is actually largely about futurity and wish. That is to say that queerness is always for the horizon”.

Virtual spaces, quick gatherings slashed small. an area where narrative is actually stilled, as well as your body’s designed to explore the probabilities. I’m hatching my personal plans.


Josie/

Jocelyn

Deane is actually an independent editor/student in the institution of Melbourne. Their work has actually starred in

Cordite, Southerly, Australian Poetry

and

Overland

, amongst others. They live on unceded Wurundjeri secure.

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